At One Month

I made a comment the other day about me and ol' Father Time having issue with one another-- seeing as how I blinked and this tiny little baby is one month old already. Every second she gets closer to becoming a "tweenager" is horrifying to me. I am trying to stay in this uncomplicated world, where we are balancing the simple needs of keeping her dry, clean, burped, fed, napped, warm, and stimulated. Am I forgetting anything? I don't need finger wagging from some of you fucking know it alls: "What about keeping her fashionable? That is a need!" :)

At one month there are still all of these little realizations of what life is going to be like with two little animals in the house that need constant love and joy... and then the moments when Cole and I find one another, and those quiet seconds are like the first days we were in love. We hug tighter, kiss longer, and they are truly incredible little gaps in the day. Somehow all things line up, and we find ourselves with a little time for one another, oh man it is fucking great. I think Cole figured out that I wasn't going to abandon her to the night, and let her care for the baby alone while I slept on. I have been helping in ways she didn't expect, and that always feels good to surprise the people you love. A lot has been said in the world about men not being interested in babies, and I have to tell you that almost all that has been written is probably pretty accurate. All this thing does is wiggle around and explode poop if it isn't sleeping, sure she does mind blowing adorable things and makes sounds and looks me in the eye and melts me-- but for me the interest and involvement is high on the priority list because I just can't stand to see Cole not bright, and at her normal levels of sunshine. She is my calm and reason, and if she is off-- I fall apart.

At one month this little baby is growing in milestones. I think it has been super hard for Cole to watch the difference in her babies, and seeing the Tangerine lifting her head and making moves to move so young really put things in perspective at how delayed The Littlest Buddy was. He is sitting here next to me, home from school with a cold taking in his favorite show, wrapped in a blanket, and pounding water. That electric green snot dripping from his nose, and that filthy germy hand waving around his coughs. He has been warming up in small ways to his "dister" and just yesterday while he was getting ready for school, he was belly laughing at some of the noises she makes when she stretches from first waking up. These little moments are reminders that things will be okay at some point, and so it makes us able to get thru all the pouty tantrums, and angry outbursts. He is really getting it figured out fast and I am so proud of him.

At one moth old just this morning while I was still working on this post The Littlest Buddy asked me to take a picture of him and while doing so, he asked for "Tessa" by name. He climbed into bed with Cole and his sister to wake them up, and let me take their picture all together for the first time-- without him being upset. He was truly excited. He loves playing with her feet and when Cole takes them on walks he can reach her feet thru the stroller and will play with them the entire walk and laugh. This was huge for us this morning. Every little step towards acceptance is just another easy breath. So the two of them all infected with colds got all handsy and sweet and bonded a little more this morning. Thank you Universe!





At one month this baby has no problems to report. Cole cried at the Doctor when they very matter of factly said: "you have a perfect baby" that little phrase and the ease of the appointments so far, sent her reeling into this huge admission of how hard it has been to always hear that there is something wrong with LB, and be sent from specialist to specialist. The nurse figured out why she was upset and let her know it was all good things. Cole had gotten so used to visits with LB and trying to track down what was slowing him down, that it was just what her "normal" was. The visits with LB are always looked at as just one more step in a very long walk to answers for him to get to the highest levels we can reach. Our goal is that as Tessa gets older her early memories of her brother are never thoughts of stress or worry, we never want her to feel like there is something wrong with him, just that he is his own person. She will feel lucky for her brother, and with the way he worries for her when she cries I think we are on our way for two kids that care about one another. Fingers crossed.

At one month this baby has started to pile on pounds and is starting to swell up with breast milk. Her little body is taking on that John Goodman look-- skinny legs and tiny butt, with a big round giant belly and chubby face. It is endlessly funny to me to imagine her dancing around like King Ralph. Breast feeding is going really well so far. This baby has successfully broke my lifetime craving for sugary breakfast cereals, as her poop smells exactly like Lucky Charms-- and thus ended my long life of wanting to eat that crap. So I already owe her one for that. This week Cole is going to start pumping boobs and get a bottle in my hand, and get this baby used to some food from something else besides her tits. I am pretty nervous about it, not because I think it is tough, but every little step forward to me being able to solely care for this baby is a reminder that Cole is getting me ready for when she goes back to the salon. I have started trying out the whole wearing the baby around the house thing in small doses. When Cole goes to take LB to school, or runs an errand I strap her on a little and it always calms her down. No pacifer or any self soothing going on yet. Cole wears her in a sling when she is doing stuff around the house and it just knocks her out and keeps her warm and happy. So I would like to be able to do the same thing when I get a fussy baby fussing and I have shit to do.

At one month this baby is still sleeping well, she keeps hours like a teenager however, she likes to stay up late and sleep in, so with LB on the normal schedule of a 4 yr old there is a clash in schedules. He is ready to go at 5:30AM and so we have been shuffling around making sure we keep him happy in the mornings and that everyone still gets enough sleep. We are still considering ourselves very lucky with the way nights have been going. And that is all I will say about that. We did learn quickly that Tessa reacts to music like it's the most delicious sleeping pill ever eaten. Within seconds of hearing her favorite song, she drifts off into the deepest baby sleep there is. It took us awhile to find a song she liked. I think we played every dumb baby relaxing universe record I could find online, and then I tried this out and it was like getting gassed at the dentist. She was out. And it doesn't hurt that we love this tune.



*update- sorry about the song thing. I guess being an idiot I am not sure how to successfully embed an MP3 file so that it works on all browsers. I guess it isn't working on some :(

Dang, that link just won't work. So here is a version of the song that was on you tube...



So enjoy this song, and the rest of your week. And I will be back on Monday posting at full strength.

All the Love in the Universe ~ Us

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