The Birth of Tessa Tangerine
If you have been reading along for the last week, than you know all of the bullet points about the birth of our daughter:
-We had a girl
-It was a water birth at home
-Labor lasted 12 hours
-She weighed 7lbs 8ozs
-19 and 1/2 inches long
-Born on 6/29/09 @ 1:51 AM
-We named her Tessa
-Both Mom and Baby are healthy and happy
For just about everyone I know that is all the info that they need in order to breathe a sigh of relief, say congrats, and then launch into whatever baby frenzy, or baby fear they may have. I actually have more than a few friends who think babies are "creepy" and I wonder about their sanity but respect their fears, and will happily keep our little girl out of their life. I have been putting off writing the birth story for over a week now, mostly because there is an aspect of letting go when I write. Almost always when I pound something out onto the screen it is for the purposes of release, to move on, work thru, or just vent about the pile up in this mountain-- And I have been hanging close and strong with this experience since it has happened, and have not really been ready to let parts of it flow out and onto a page to lay to rest. To say this was the single greatest thing I have witnessed is so grossly understated that it has been embarrassing to only have THAT cliche to mumble when people have asked me, "so how was it?" The words just don't come when I set to talking about it, a wash of images and emotions take over so quickly that I end up sounding underwhelmed, dumb shit like: "yeah- yeah, it was great." or "wow, I mean WOW, it was incredible."
On Sunday afternoon just after Cole had that first BIG contraction, we both knew that the baby was coming. We couldn't look at one another without wearing the big dumb smiles you're infected with when connections happen, love boils over, gets in your blood stream, and controls your every move. Next thing you know, you are doing that warm faced smile thing, where you shoulders scrunch all up, and you keep staring at one another. I would watch her when the pain would come, and she would get very still, and sit, and think thru the first round of her contractions. She would hold her belly in her hands, and I could actually see her listening to her body, being sure about what was happening, until she finally said, "This is it!" -- For a second my feet wanted to start motoring, and I felt my legs longing to run around and get going, but we were already there. We were here. We had arrived. There was no destination to get to, we had just been waiting for the moment to come to us. I had been so inundated since boyhood with the television and movie images of panic stricken men rushing around and face planting walls, dropping open suitcases, speeding off in cars, leaving laboring wives standing at their front door, that a part of me was wondering when I would panic? I had seen these scenarios for so long that I almost felt like I was doing something wrong just standing there and smiling at my wife.
To say Cole and I had prepared for this birth or rehearsed this birth with a lot of classes or endless chapters of reading about birth, would be an outright lie. The one thing that Cole knew about herself for sure in regards to active labor, was that she had no idea how she would react to it, and what would make her motivated to move thru the pain. So she was very resistant to everything. Our birth plan was never written out, it was very simple, she didn't want distractions. She did not want music playlists, or smells, oils, or massages, she had not picked out any focal points, or adopted any breathing methods. She kept telling me that when labor comes, that she had no idea where she wanted to be with it, it could be the bed, the couch, the tub, the birthing ball, she had no idea, so she wanted no plan. She just wanted to face the pain head on with no distractions and conquer it. The main focus became not setting anything into place that would make it feel like things weren't going as planned if she decided she had no use for it. We kept comparing the whole thing to a cat in labor... ya know how they wander and move around until they find that perfect little spot, plant themselves in it, and set to work. Cole became that cat. So I planned to just watch her close, move with her, and when she settled, to set up camp and let her do her thing.
When Cole had confirmed this baby was coming, I called our midwife (Christine), and our doula (Brigan), and started unpacking all the supplies and getting things ready. Cole planted herself in bed and we had my laptop opened up to the contraction master, and were timing her contractions. The very first thing that became apparent was that she was not in any kind of rhythm here. Her contractions were erratic and long, and came quickly, all of these things were tell tales of false alarms. We spent the first hour by ourselves, we talked thru scenarios, and things to watch out for with our midwife on the phone, and she let us know she would start to get things ready on her end, and to check back with her in an hour or so. I kept setting things up, and making all the necessary calls, and Cole kept timing. I had watched her face in the past weeks wait out Braxton Hicks contractions, and I could tell she was feeling something so very different at this point. I also noticed that the bed had become her choice for sanctuary and she really dug in. So I let an hour pass and we looked at this confusing mess of contractions that jumped from 3 minutes apart to 10, and would last almost 3-4 minutes each time. I checked her cervix and confirmed she was at 1cm or a "stretchy 2" as I was informed they say.
And then that was when it happened, the moment that made everything slow down, and we hadn't realized it. Cole wanted time with me before this all started to get intense, so she could uncork the emotional plug, and let loose, and say her goodbyes to whatever she was feeling. But Brigan (doula) had arrived and the moment had passed. Something we both should have noticed and corrected immediately. In all of the prep and calling, we forgot to save that time for just us, and before we knew it, it was gone, she was in labor land, and she was working. I noticed over these next hours how far apart we drifted. I was relaying messages, making calls, hooking up hoses to pools, unpacking supplies, making food, and Cole was working thru her contractions with Brigan. We set out on a walk around the block for a couple laps, as an exercise to keep things moving and to encourage Cole to actually physically walk thru some of the early pain of her contractions. Things were still not in rhythm. Not quite as confused as before, but the duration started to make sense, the space between continued to be random. We got back to our house and our neighbors were standing outside and we had informed them of what was going down prior, and Cole shouted to them, "Don't call the cops on us or anything, it isn't domestic abuse, I'm going to be having a baby tonight." to which our neighbor replied, "Oh honey, I am so sorry you have to go thru this." and Cole said quickly, "I'm not!" That little conversation said a lot for me. It confirmed she was not afraid, and that her sense of humor was intact, and that is always a good sign. When Cole stops being funny, things are bad.
The bulk of her 12 hour labor was her move to 3 cm. Almost all of it. I would say a good 8 hours of it in fact. It took her all that time to get to 3, and it was a mix of moving from bed, to couch, to ball, to standing, to toilet. One thing Cole had been so afraid of is pooping in the birth pool when she was pushing, so she kept going to the bathroom during her early labor and making sure she had taken care of business. She would come out and say, "Okay, I think I got it all out, no poop in the pool." She informed me that she wasn't concerned with us seeing her poop, she just DID NOT want her baby being born in "poop water." There was a point during this phase of labor that worried me, I felt like she was resisting. She wasn't in the head space I knew she wanted to be in. But I still had no idea what was making her fight against this. At this point her Mama had arrived and our midwife had come earlier than planned, (to keep me at ease mostly). I had expressed concern that I wanted to be able to hear the baby during Cole's early contractions and make sure it was okay. This was a fear born from the short hospital experience when Cole had the fever, and we listened to the heart for 24 hours straight. So we were all in place, all set up, and there for Cole. I found it strange that she chose to labor in bed most of those hours, her and I both knew that she did not want to be in that bed. This was another indicator that she was not in the head space she wanted to be in. We were both still looking for that moment alone to be together.
During these hours we watched Cole breathe thru her contractions, take pain, and we kept her hydrated and as comfortable as possible. Her Mama and Brigan were wonderful with her. I kept my distance because I really felt like they were going to be able to make her feel the best. This just added to the problem as Cole later told me she just kept feeling like I was getting further and further away. So she would fight the moments until I was there. This was also when she would transition into her uber annoyed phase. Smells would annoy her, and tastes grossed her out, her clothes wanted to come off, her contractions were still never consistent, and finally at 3cm when she was tired of the building pain, she asked if she could try the pool out. I had started filling it with nice warm water and almost immediately after she got in, all of her pain stopped. She was smiling, and talking, and joking with her Mom, and we watched her push around the pool and feel light. She kept us all amused and we realized that she had not reported any contraction of any kind since getting in, and it had been 20 minutes. She said, "OH! I might be, I just don't feel them anymore, but my stomach is hard." Our midwife had warned us that sometimes getting in too soon can slow things down, and even bring things to a halt. It was almost 11PM at this point and we knew with how slow things were going, that it would be the early AM before she was in business. So the decision was made that everyone should get to bed, and try and rest, and wait to see how Cole reacted to being out of the water. The plan was for her to try and sleep. If she was in active labor she would not be able to sleep thru her contractions. If this had all stopped from the pool, she would rest just fine, and we would wait to see if it returned. I made sure everyone was comfortable and had a spot to sleep, and then came back into the room with Cole. Just a few minutes after she had gotten out and dry and back in bed, I saw her double over. She was hit with the biggest contraction yet. I jumped up to get everyone back out of bed, and Cole grabbed me and said, "NO, wait. Just sit here a second." and we waited and she had another one just as huge. She asked me to take her into our bathroom and close the door.
As soon as she sat down, and I sat in front of her, she unloaded, she let that emotional plug go that she talked about 8 hours prior when we had missed our chance to have our moment. She cried so hard, mostly about LB and how much she missed him and loved him, and hoped that HE knew how much she loved him. She was so worried that he didn't know. We sat in the bathroom and cried, and talked, and then just as quickly, she stopped. And everything changed. She looked at me and said. "This isn't fake labor. I'm having this baby. I want to get back in that tub." So we set things up, I never had to wake anyone up, because they could hear her really going thru it now, she was back in it, everyone made their way back into that room, you could tell it was so very different now. Cole had become steel, she was so determined, she was owning the moment, she would find the pain threshold with each contraction and plow right thru it. She found her spot in the tub, and planted herself, and you could hear her voice change, low tones controlling the hurt. You know how you can see a person in pain, and their body language is to pull their arms in and curl, and twist, and everything goes inward, and when they say "OUCH" it's yelled out in wimpy vowels and repeated over and over and wincing. Well Cole, was holding herself up and out, and when she would say "OUCH" it was forced out from her low low belly, like she was the one digging in and reaching down and making the pain. She wasn't letting it happen to her, she was hunting it down, grabbing it by the hair and dragging it out of her body. She was a fucking warrior, and I was so in awe of her, and so proud. All of the things I had thought I would have to say, like don't give up, and you can do it, and just hang on, all went out the window. Nobody had to encourage her. She was just doing it. We all just kept saying, "you're doing it Cole." She had slowly moved from Brigan guiding her thru these big contractions, to her Mom, to both Brigan and I holding her arms and keeping her in place, to just her and I locked in on one another. She was in a whole other place far far away from all of us, and she just wanted to feel that I was there with her. Her tunnel vision was kicking in and she just needed to feel that her and I were connected. I have never felt more locked into a person in my life. There was a point when I had looked away to help Cole's Mom find something and Cole went bonkers, "Stop, STOP IT, STOP!" and I was kept thinking to myself, what did I just do?! I didn't learn till the next day that she had gotten pissed because I looked away while she was having a contraction.
So there we were, gathered around the pool. All eyes on Cole.
A little over an hour after getting back in the tub, Cole looked at me and said she wanted Christine, she was ready to push. Nobody sitting in that room except for Cole thought there was any way she was ready, so Christine got in the pool to check, and I saw her face change, she was straight up surprised. If it was a Scooby Doo episode she would have said "ZOIKS!" she let Cole know that she was there, she was for sure 10 cm and good to go, and that if she felt like pushing to go ahead and try the next time she felt that urge. She said to let her body tell her when to push, and go with it for a little while. At this point it was more than apparent that Cole had in fact been listening to her body and knew what was going on. It was obvious after the first couple of pushes that she was moving fast and being productive. Not too fast thankfully, her body had time to stretch, and the babies head was getting that nice pressure. The hour she spent pushing felt like it happened within just a handful of seconds. I remember everything in little flashes. Her arms were going to jelly and were shaking so hard from exhaustion, she had been hanging on to the side of the pool for so long. So I would just hold her in place when she pushed, and we would count to 10 for her, and she milked every second out of each contraction. Pushing hard 3 times for each one for 10 seconds. This was the part when my legs fell asleep, and my stomach was hurting so bad I thought I was going to shit in my pants. I kept thinking, okay dude, don't be that asshole that actually announces that his stomach hurts while his wife is in labor, you will never be forgiven for your stupidity. So I just kept my trap shut, and all of my little aches and pains quickly disappeared. Can you imagine what kind of asshole would stop to complain about anything during his wife's labor? I hear it happens. People are insane.
There was never a point during this stage of labor that I was scared, or thought she couldn't do it. I did however get a little tricked and caught off guard. The first 3cm had lulled me into this head space that everything would take hours, and that there was plenty of time between each contraction to process, and feel, and equalize. Now here we were right on the cusp. Her contractions were so hard, and she was nearing the tipping point "the ring of fire." It was at this point that just after she had let out a low dug in howl that she caught her breath and looked up at me, I was holding her arms down, and she said, "make sure you drink some juice, you might not get a chance to again." I mean seriously? In the middle of intense labor, while the baby is crowning, she was worried about me staying hydrated. That is love :) The next contraction came and the head was moving in and out, and Christine told us, "this baby has so much hair." and I remember I just kept telling Cole, "she has hair, just like you wanted." and "you're doing it." over and over. Then while I was looking down at the water, trying to see a glimpse of what was coming out, I saw a big spurt of blood jet thru the water with such a force it cleared to the other side of the pool. I was officially scared. I heard Christine tell Cole very calmly and matter of factly, "You have to push right now, now!" and with that in 3 pushes, there was a baby in the water. Cole rolled over onto her back, there was so much blood in the water I could barely see the baby, and Christine swam her over and held the baby out of the water and placed her onto Cole, and I noticed that this baby was limp. I mean lifeless, not moving at all, no color, no movement, no sound, and I lost it. I buried my head into Cole's neck and just kept saying, "Oh no. Come on baby, Come on baby, please baby, move baby" and in what was really only a few seconds, they had started wiping away the vernix, and I could see white skin turn pink. Cole turned the babies head toward me and I finally saw those eyes. Blinking, and moving, and then she spoke. Just a tiny little cry. But it was noise. Everything in my body went back to their respective places, and I could feel myself breathing again. I heard Cole ask, "Is it a boy or a girl" and Christine said, "That's for you to tell us." All of the sudden I heard Cole say happily, "It's a girl." and everyone was like, "how do you know?" because the baby was wrapped in towels and had been planted on Cole's chest. Cole had reached under the water and felt with her hand and said, "because it doesn't have any balls!" and then I remember crying again. Just for a second, just to get it out, and I felt that deep breath fill me back up again. And Cole and I sucked it up and our moment was over, and we were apart again.
Our baby girl was here and she was greeted with a collective laugh, and sighs of relief, and joy. This all gets blurry and weird, I was cutting the cord, then being handed the baby, and then I looked down seconds later and the placenta was floating in a plastic bowl in the water, and Cole was being stood up and wrapped in towels. She stepped up and over the side of the pool and I looked down and it looked like something right out of a Tarintino movie, like a gallon bucket of blood and tissue hit the floor and splattered at her feet. "HOLY SHIT! Did that just come out of you?" Cole looked down and very calmly asked, "Am I dying?" she was quickly reassured, as was I, and they got her into bed after a quick rinse off, and checked all her goods and her bleeding and the report came in after careful inspection, that she was all good. She looked great, she had done it. She was laying in our bed, in our home, and I was holding our healthy baby girl in my arms in our room, and I remember thinking, how are we ever going to sell this house, or move away from here? I got into bed with Cole and we looked at this little tiny baby and I couldn't hear anything anymore. People were telling us what to do, and explaining what happens next, and I just couldn't hear anything. I could hear myself saying over and over "I love this little girl so much" and I kept telling Cole I was proud of her. It was after they placed the baby at the foot of the bed, to give her a newborn exam that I picked up my camera for the first time. I couldn't believe I was watching my child thru this lens and taking pictures of her just minutes after she came into the world.
Christine had said that within a couple hours after the birth, that Cole and I would want everyone out of our house, so that we could be alone with the baby. She said that it would happen, and I said, "NO way!" But it was true. I just wanted to feel calm again. I cleaned as fast I could, and made sure Cole was comfortable. The baby had started nursing almost immediately so they were in bed being happy and I was racing around cleaning our toilet that looked like a murder scene after Cole went pee for the first time. We said our goodbyes and thanked everyone for being so amazing and supporting Cole during this birth and we were alone in the room with Tessa for the first time. Cole's Mom spent the night and was a hero for us, making sure she remembered all the instructions and details that we never heard, and made sure we could just be with that baby. Cole and I laid in bed with Tessa in-between us and I texted friends and family, "It's a Girl" and we just watched her move, and her eyes dart around the room. And she was ours. Little parts of the both of us. Filled with the power to buckle knees and 100% magic. I remember laying there regretting every cigarette, and every night of drinking, and all the shitty food that has shortened my life, and I wanted to take it all back. We stayed awake till the sun was almost up, retelling the story to one another, and being amazed, and here she was. Tessa. She was a part of this family. She was here. Cole had done it. She had this baby exactly how she wanted to--the way she was told by her old Doctor she would never be able to do. Cole is just one of those people that can say she is going to do something, and then actually does all the work it takes to make it happen. She doesn't sit around and dream about the good life, she makes the good life, and I love her so much for giving me this experience, and for bringing this little girl into the world on her terms, her way, and for showing this old coward what real courage is.
And then my wife got Double D's and we all lived happily ever after :)
All the Love in the Universe ~ Us
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203 comments:
THANK YOU for writing this out. Fills me with happiness and confidence when thinking about giving birth in a few weeks - that it can be done like this. Love the picture of Cole in the tub.
This post made me cry of course. Congratulations to you all. I remember after I had my child I couldn't not believe in angels and everything sacred. I couldn't look at a woman in the street without reflecting she was a warrior.
Thank you for sharing this miracle. xx
wow, that was amazing. congratulations.
i'm glad your not the fainting type! love the pictures!
Oh wow! You have made me cry. Cole did what I was too shit scared to do. I wanted to try a VBAC with my second one, but ended up having a caesarean section again.
No regrets for me, but I am so amazed by Cole's courage. This is why I love being a woman.
Oh my god it's 7:52am, i'm going to be late for work and i'm bawling my eyes out! lol Tessa's story is nothing short of amazing. Cole is inspiring in so many ways.
Wow. I am speechless. Thank you for sharing this. I am at the office, and cried (how can you not cry when reading something like this?) This is such a huge, personal life-changing experience, and you opened that world up for me for the first time. Thanks for being so honest and for the pictures and letting us into your life, eventhough we don't know you at all.
Thank you for writing this ... it made me cry, something I haven't done in a while.
I am so jealous of you and Cole for getting this experience. I want to try a VBAC, but I love my OB/GYN, the hospital we go to won't do them anymore, and I tend to have LARGE babies (my son was 10 lbs. 10 oz. and I am only 124 lbs. and 5'4" tall ... you do the math). Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you guys.
I want to write a post on my own blog about your experience, but I know I'd have to say things that would hurt my husband ... I don't know if he loves me like you love Cole. And that hurts me and makes me sad. Please hold onto that love you have for her and don't ever let it fade. It is truly something special.
Congratulations and good job on being there for your wife. Beautiful story.
that was hands down incredible.........
dammit, now you've got me crying....
Thank you for writing this out so beautifully, Ryan. I love the part where Cole got to get all her emotions out and then things really got moving.
She's awesome. You're awesome. You both did great!
Tessa's an angel.
Amazing. I'm in aw of Cole (and you).
Thank you for sharing the birth of your sweet baby girl with us!
What a great story, R. I am so glad you got to do things on your terms. Tessa is one lucky little girl to have determined parents like you and Cole!
Wow. It's just... wow. You've brought back all those awesome emotions I felt when I had my homebirth and it's just so overwhelming.
I almost feel like I shouldn't be reading this, with the personal emotion you've poured into it!
Congratulations, to all of you. xxx
Sitting here at work crying. Congrats you are ALL warriors. Cheers to you
Thanks for sharing that, it was beautiful. I can only hope my husband-to-be will be even just half as supportive as you are.
Damn it, Ryan...you made me cry, again!!
What a beautiful gift you have given each other. That was just a beautiful birth story!
Cole is a very brave strong woman to have the baby at home and she is very lucky to have an amazing husband to support her!!
Thank you, again, for sharing this wonderful period of your life with all of us!
Holy crap. That's all I can muster at this point. Way to go.
Absolutely beautiful birth story. Our son was born on 4/29/09 and you just brought it all rushing back for me... enjoy these beautiful first days and your gorgeous girls!
Absolutely beautiful birth story. Our little boy was born on 4/29/09 and you just brought those beautiful first moments back to me... enjoy this wonderful time with your girls!
Good thing I am not at work because I would be flooding my computer with tears! This was a beautiful documentation, and I thank you for sharing it!
Wow this is wonderful, thanks for sharing. I'm kinda speechless, very unlike myself. The picture of you holding Cole's head is priceless.
De-lurking to say you rock the casbah. Seriously.
My god, Cole. You are SO AMAZING. I can't even tell you... I'm 19w4d pregnant (who's counting? Not me,) and I've been so scared for the baby and the birth and damn, but you're inspiring. You're so strong. You're just incredible! There aren't enough words to describe! I had goosebumps all the way through - thank you both so much for sharing this with us. You're amazing, both of you.
Ryan that was really amazing. I completely 110% used to be one of the people that thoughts kids were "creepy," like you said, and that the whole pregnancy and birth process was borderline alien-like. But I'm so glad I don't feel that way anymore and that I've followed along you and Cole's journey. I only sort of know you guys, but I'm so, so happy for you and your family.
This is one of the most beautiful birth stories I have ever read. You have inspired me with strength for my upcoming labour. (and I'll have to make my husband read the part about not complaining! He could use the reminder:)
a beautiful birth story for a beautiful birth. i don't know if i've ever read one from a partner's perspective, but it was so very special and different.
What a beautiful story! I've been looking forward to reading about your home birth and I'm so amazed at how well it went =)
Wow, the tears are flowing over here. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. And tell Cole that she IS a warrior and one of my personal heroes.
...in my very bad english, I want to thank you about this post, and the whole blog, and for sharing everything. It´s so simple, to tell a story, and it´s so powerful in making people think about themselves and their relationships with each other and the world.
I know its kind of rude, but I sugest you to make a blog about your work, photography, and other stories about your work or anything. Your images/way to tell stories are so great. A true gift.
I know you already have something like that, but I miss the spontainety of the blog and the posts. And of course the stories. I´m being rude again, I know =P
congratulations and all the best to you and your family =)
Samara
samarazukoski@gmail.com
beauty full! everything...the birth story, that gorgeous baby, your amazing wife, the love between all 4 of you...
thanks so much for sharing this very intimate & personal story with us...gorgeous pictures...will be a treasure for ever!
Congratulations! That is absolutely beautiful, and like every other lady out there, I cried when I read this. You've got an amazing kind of love with Cole, and I'm so glad you share that with us all here. It's inspiring.
Your love for eachother is so apparent. Wow. How completely amazing. Sending your little family 'all the love in the universe.'
A beautiful story, thank you for sharing it with the world.
Congratulations on all the beauty in your life.
I'm glad I'm not the only that cried when they read this!
This is such an inspiration for having a VBAC. Its so often doctors say no when its really possible. If I ever have another baby, this is exactly how I want it to go.
How is your wife even gorgeous in labor! She is not human! She must be some super hot alien. It's ok if she is, because man does she make beautiful babies :)
OMG, I loved it, totally made my eyes water! She is amazing, and yeah, you would be a real A-double Snake to complain about a stomach ache!!! I dare any man to experience labor and WOW for Cole doing it without drugs, my hats off to her!
As I said in my email... thank you for letting us glimpse your family for some truly wonderful moments. Congratulations!
Karla
p.s. Tessa has some gorgeous long toes! Aren't the smallest details the most breathtaking? It really brings me back.
Wow! Just wow!
What an incredible story.
You know, I used to be the girl who would cry at a paper cut and my mum would always remind me about my low pain threshold.
When I had my babies I thought I would show them and had them both drug free. Wouldv'e been an excellent decision if my husband was a midget from the circus which meant small babies. Turns out 6'4 rugby players do produce 10 pound babies.
All I could remember from that day is how I felt like Wonder Woman when it was over and how out of a room filled with people all I could see and hear was Ben.
Thank you for this beautiful post. The connection you described reminded me of my day. I think I will go and kiss my big tall drink of water.
That was an incredible post. I'm so glad it all worked out the way you wanted.
I've only been with your blog for a few months, so forgive me if you've already covered this....but what was Cole's first birth story like? From reading the other comments, I've gathered that it was a c-section. Is that correct? If you've blogged about this before, I'd love to read it.
Much love to all of you!!
wow. that's amazing. it brought back memories of my own home birth. well done Cole, you totally did it.
*high five*
I've only read the first paragraph so far, but I just have to say that the first paragraph is PRECISELY how I felt about writing by birth story. I had trouble starting it because I wanted to hold on to and I felt like there was no way that I'd ever be able to adaquately describe what happened. All I had were thoughts and images and emotions.
Okay...off to read the rest.....
Many congrats to you both! Your daughter is a beauty, just like her mama. Cole is a powerhouse and an inspiration to me. Your writing is beautiful and touching---my eyes are tearing up at work---thanks! ;) You two are a testament to the strength of a real love that grows and strengthens with time and experience together. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
I'm pretty much a lurker - but this has been one of the best blogs I've ever read.
Tess is beautiful, and thanks for sharing the play by play with us. Awesome.
awesome post! As a first time mom to be this is exactly the stuff I want to ask people but I'm afraid its too personal or they don't really remember the details.
I love your description of fathers rushing around when the labour is starting, made me laugh out loud!
For the love of god, Ryan....
Like I said at your wedding when I gave my speech.. I love that you have been able to make my friend so happy, I love that you love LB the way you do, I love that you have become such an incredible person in their amazing family.. And now I love you for posting this entry and making me cry and I love that you were brave enough and strong enough to allow Cole to have the birth and life she always dreamed of.. You amaze me everyday and I am glad that even though there is distance between us, I have been able to get to know you through your blog...
A thousand times, Ryan...
Thank You.
Send my love to my dear friend. I miss her so much.
this is a beautiful birth story...thanks for sharing =)
wonderful. the water is crazy awesome. i dilated so fast after getting in the birthing pool (for the second time), too. i think waterbirth is so sorely underused & appreciated. i'm so glad that this safe at-home waterbirth is exposed to so many people. it's just so good for mama & babe. it takes so much of the "bad" away & brings a tidal wave of greatness.
my doula has a bumper sticker that is awesome.. it says, "waterbirth. it not just for dolphins anymore" :)
Thank you for sharing your story. It's always good for me to start the day off crying.
Congrats again to your perfect family!
Oh my God. The love and awareness and pure presence that you have in your life and to your family ... it leaves me in awe and so thankful, so very thankful that I found this place.
this moved me.... in a big way! and all i can say is "Go Cole"!!!
Tears....crying so much. That picture where you look like you were sobbing was sooo freaking sweet and I'm just dying. Such a beautiful description of the most important moment in your and Cole's life.
what an amazing story...full of power, grace and love.
thank you for sharing it with us, as always!
*
Crying and loving you guys. I love what this woman brings to you. "she doesn't just dream about the good life, she makes the good life". I am so glad you found this person.
this was an amazing story. i am so impressed with cole! thank you so much for sharing it in such vivid detail. i cried, of course. congratulations to you both.
I've rewritten a comment several times now, but it feels as though any form of congratulatory praise just isn't worthy in light of the journey that's been had by your family over the past few weeks.
But I'll try my best.
There's a great deal of responsibility in writing out the details of labor in this manner. Especially when most men in the world (and some women for that matter)go through this experience with out feeling or seeing 90% of what you've taken time to write out.
The love, compassion and humor that was shared through us through this process is a beautiful story because of the love that your family shares and because of the strength that you have when you're together.
This one written occurrence made the internet stand still for all who have and will read it and I thank you and Cole for all your efforts, no matter how small that sounds coming from someone on the internet.
Your family makes the world a more beautiful place.
That is SUCH an incredible story! Absolutely amazing. I've been waiting for this post for a long time :-) I'm so glad everyone is happy and healthy, congratulations!
i totally needed that good cry. thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. cole is one awesome lady. congratulations to both of you!
Thank you so much for writing this. I cried too. It is beautiful. Cole is beautiful. Tessa is beautiful. Thank you.
Sometimes I'm so scared of the pain and the task ahead of me, getting this baby out of me, but it really helps to read about it and how very well it went.
Incredible.
Now I'm sitting in front of my computer cryin like a fool. Thank you so much for sharing...what a beautiful story! Awesome job, Cole! Hoping I can handle myself just as well when the time comes (which could be any minute...).
I am so grateful to you and Cole. Thank you for sharing the pictures and birth story. It makes my heart happy! Simply beautiful.
so rad. thanks for sharing this with the world! she is a warrior that's for certain.
Warning: This is a long one. But I had to do it.
When it comes to these kinds of stories, it is better to get them out right away, while they are still fresh. Because in time, they fade. The details blur. The raw emotion becomes dull and the story reverts to all the cliches we hear about birth. Now you have it in print. It will never fade. And when the memory of it does, you can read it again and be reminded of this most amazing experience. Did you imagine going into this that you could ever love your wife any more than you already did?! She truly is a warrior and an inspiration. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to witness that strength. When I gave birth to my daughter, I felt on the verge of panic the entire time. Like how you described Cole 'before' you two got that moment alone. I never got that moment to collect my thoughts and focus. After my daughter was born, everyone was telling me how in awe they were of me. Even my OB basically told me I was her hero. I felt like I just did what every other mother on the planet had done before me, and not very gracefully at that. After experiencing a natural birth myself, I am even more in awe of the whole experience and I can't express in words how happy it makes me when I hear a story like yours and Cole's.
P.S. My husband was one of those 'assholes'. ;oP My progress stalled out at 8.5 cm, leaving me trying to brethe through the CRAZY strong urge to push. After enduring about 15 hours of the most intense discomfort of my life I didn't have much sympathy when he was whining about being too tired and his back hurting too much to help with a little nipple stimulation. I guess some guys just can't help it. He still finds other ways to be my hero. And yes, I just typed the word 'nipple' in a blog comment. Twice.
OMG I am bawling right now.That has to be one of my most favorite things I have ever read in my entire 38 years !!And trust me I have read a lot!! THANK YOU THANK YOU ..all of you,for sharing.. I hope that Tessa realizes one day that she is one of the luckiest girls in the world.As soon as she can read and understand this..she will know.
Best of luck to you all.
Oh and I have had four kiddos , it is hard, you feel you have cheated them, you feel split into..guilt is a common feeling of everyday life.But just give L.B. too many kisses and hugs, tell him Tessa loves him too much, give him more attention than you thought you could and he will be fine. My oldest son who is 19 now told me the other day when I asked how many kids he thought he would have " at least four" I was shocked since in the last couple of years he is more annoyed by his siblings than ever.Really ? I said.. i would have thought only one since you seem to have dreamed of being an only child lately."No way" he said..I wouldn't trade it for anything..how boring life would be. "Thats why all of my friends that are only children always want to come here, theirs always something going on and always someone to hang out with"
That settled every fear ,question and moment of guilt I have had in the last 16 years since his first brother was born and I felt I was betraying him..So theirs your answer.
Sorry so long...Love to you all..
totally crying over here. amazing birth story & it's so nice to hear it from the male's perspective. and Cole kicks much ass & is a much stronger woman than i.
Ryan EVERYTHING about this pregnancy and this baby in your lives is exactly how I hope it will be for me, from the 'listen to your body' birthing mentality to the lack of baby gear. Seriously. You have no idea what kind of hope this inspires to the childless. I know things don't always go as planned and there are all sorts of baby-birthing horror stories that just got out of control at some point, leaving a trembling father and a woman whisked away to an operating table and a baby in the NICU - we've all heard them in detail. But it seems like when all the right ingredients are there, the secret to doing it right is keeping your head - something Cole obviously didn't need to be taught. In the face of so many 'things' that accompany (and complicate) pregnancy, childbirth and the aftermath, you guys have done it with such simple instinct and hard work that it feels so natural, so right, so healthy.
That's why I have no doubt that you and Cole both will come to know how to help navigate LB through this process.
What can I say, you guys are rock stars. Continue to let this thing tip you off your center of gravity. Love love love, Betsy.
beautiful
Wow. Amazing! And Beautiful and wonderful and Cole is gorgeous and now my hero.
I laughed and cried and had shivers...thanks for sharing.
Shit.
It's so refreshing to read words of a man who loves his wife so much. This made my day. Thank you.
I'm over here looking like a damn racoon because my mascara is running down my face! That was quite possibly the most moving and touching story I have ever read. Your whole family is amazing, and the love you share is evident in your writing. I can't wait to see some "brudder/dister" pictures. LB must be so proud. God Bless.
What an amazing last entry for Tessa's book. Absolutely beautiful.
de-lurking to say thank you for sharing this story. and while birth stories always make me cry, this: "I remember laying there regretting every cigarette, and every night of drinking, and all the shitty food that has shortened my life, and I wanted to take it all back"
brought me to tears. i love that.
beautiful. :)
That was a remarkably touching account. Many, many blessings to you and your family. My wife and I really enjoyed this blog and especially the last several. We're just starting along the path of pregnancy and your blog has been a such a revelation. That last post about LB and his sister was awesome and topped only by this one. Again, my best to you and Cole.
I just randomly blog stalked you one day. I would apologize but your blog is amazing so I won't. I cried when I read this post.
Thank you.
It's far too early in the morning for me to be crying and sniveling over my breakfast toast.
Alas. Here I am. And at 9 months preggo I am identifying and completely inspired.
There are no compliments big enough.
I know I've cried every time I've had the privilege of watching a baby be born, but it took me by surprise that I cried at reading this. Many, many, many, happy moments for all of you.
That was beautiful. It's always so wonderful to read a birth story period, let alone one that was so full of love and affection.
Amazing. Makes me tear up, especially when comparing it to my own beautiful birth a few months ago. Beautiful!
BEAUTIFUL!! Thank you for sharing this amazing adventure. You have a gorgeous little family!
Wow.. Tears fell down my cheeks while i read this..... So full of emotion. You guys are wonderful. The love that you have for each other is inspiring.
:D such an endearing story
Thank-you for sharing your moment. I loved the photos of the water birth...if I could do my two over again...
I'm all verklempt. That was absolutely fascinating to read. I was cheering for Cole and felt like I was there experiencing the same anxious, excited, etc moments right along with you. Amazing, completely amazing.
And in trying to express what I think and feel about this post, I feel like you described when people ask you about the experience and you just can't find the appropriate words...I'm totally there.
I have always been fearful of childbirth and pregnancy and this is the very first story that made me release that fear, that made me realize how it's supposed to be.
I'm so f'ing proud of Cole, and you, and all those that supported you because it's a wonderful thing you all have done and a big ol hug and smooch for baby Tessa Tangerine. Congrats again.
Much love to you guys :) xoxo
thanks so much for sharing! So lovely. I want to have my babies like that but my boyfriend says no way, he wants to be sure they are going to be fine and not have to rush to the hospital blah blah... may be if I shw him this post he will change his mind!
this has been so incredible to read. ive been reading since way back when, and i feel like i want to be a midwife. it has touched me so deeply.
thank you for taking the time to write it.
you guys are such an inspiration.
congratulations and all the love in the universe!!!
p.s. yes i cried!
i'm glad i'm not the only one reading this and crying. you guys have something so amazing! hopefully when i'm married and prego i can be as strong as cole!
I am just sobbing my eyes out. Congratulations, family!
Can you please please please tell us the story about picking her middle name! It's gorgeous and unique and perhaps I missed you talking about it before, but I'm dying to know!!!!
Some weeks ago I was told about this blog. Since then I read you every time a new post comes out.
You can't imagine how happy i am after reading the description of Tessa's birth at home.
Thank you for inspiring women to have their babies at home, like Cole did.
Tell Nicole that one day when my time comes, I will have her and her determination in mind to find strength and courage to give birth.
She is an incredible person.
Congratulations for your beautiful daughter!
Cole is a lucky wife, you are a lucky father, and your children are lucky to have you both as your parents.
Oh my...Just amazing, awe-inspiring. Thank you. Many Blessings.
amazing story. thank you SO much for sharing it with us.
i'm a single gal, who is generally grossed out by birth stories. this was so lovingly told with perfect candour. i smiled at all the sweet moments and am so taken with how much you love your wife. it's beautiful. loved it! congratulations, again!
I smiled, I cried, I laughed and caught my breathe several times! Thanks for sharing! Congrats to you and Cole! They day she had Tessa I spend the day in the hospital because my best friend was having her twins, I couldn' wait to get home to see if the baby was here yet!! Congrats!
Of course I'm crying reading your birth story because of it reminds me of my own daughter's birth. I totally know what you mean with the "digging in" and the point at which things aren't funny anymore to Cole. It's a very defined point that I clearly remember.
If you were at a hospital there's no way the cotor's would have let Cole stay at 3cm for so long which is such a shame. Her birth story is evidence that women instinctively know what to do with their bodies during childbirth.
Hugs to LB!
~shawn
Congratulations! My daughter was also born on 6/29, tho 5 years ago!
Welcome to the world, sweet and juicy Tessa Tangerine! Your Mama is a goddess.
thank you for sharing your lovely moments. i stumbled across your page and was so touched and inspired by your writing and photos. our second one is due this sunday, so reading your post will help me get through these final moments before meeting our new addition. thank you!
gahh, totally teared up at work again. cmon, guys!
thanks so much for sharing. love peeking in at all the love in your house. <3
Thank you for sharing yourselves with us. I am changed for it.
I am sitting here, crying my eyes out. It is a beautiful, inspiriational story, and your openess and rawness is so refreshing. This gives me a LOT of courage as I plan my own home birth in Jan.
Thank you. huge high five.
This was so beautiful. Thank you for your honesty and grace!
xo
Ryan, you are such a wonderful husband and father. What a gut-wrenchingly beautiful and inspiring birth story. I know that I couldn't have made it through my labor without the amazing support of my husband. You guys are just as strong and brave as us ladies and deserve a ton of credit for helping to bring our babies into the world. Love and blessings. xoxo,
simply amazing...you won't forget this for the rest of your life!
That was SUCH a wonderful entry. Tessa is such a lucky baby to have you and Cole as parents. I wish you and your family all the happiness!
Between designing logos and direct mail all day I've been reading a little at a time. In fact, I reward myself with a paragraph every time I finish a task. And then I cried like a little bitch at the part where you beg the baby to move. At work.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am beyond impressed and wowed with you guys. Congratulations!
i don't even know what to say right now i am so in awe with how amazing this whole journey has been, and i do feel like i've been apart of it even though i've never met you. thank you so so so so xinfinity so much for sharing your story with us, especially this post. it made me cry and laugh and smile and feel the love that is in your family.
and tell cole that she is a god damn superwoman and she is a total inspiration. i'm only a teenager and i certainly don't plan on kids for quiiiite some time, but she is totally amazing.
much love to you, cole, LB and tessa tangerine
I think you just made all of your readers cry! Your wife is absolutely amazing. She deserves a medal. Shit, you deserve a medal for being strong through it as well!
I am very impressed. Congrats again! She is GORGEOUS!!!
A story for the ages. She will be so pleased that her daddy wrote it all down for her.
wow, what an amazing birth story, Im so happy she had the birth she wanted and the baby and her are healthy. Thanks again for sharing such a touching story!
More tears here. Especially when Cole broke down in the bathroom worrying about LB. I am 6 months pregnant and have an almost 4-year-old son from a previous relationship and I worry about this so much. I was a single mom, until I married an amazing man like yourself in November and now we're having our own "biological" child (just like you, my husband has been a wonderful step-father to my son). Because it was just me and my son so long, a part of me feels like I'm abandoning him with this new baby and it's a combination of joy and anxiety. Your story was so touching and REAL. I've never read a birth story from a man's point of view as authentic and in tune as this one. Your family is just beautiful. Thank you for this post. I love your blog.
I've been a quiet "lurker" on your blog for a long time, always relishing the photos and stories of you, Cole, and LB. Today I just felt so awed by your generosity in sharing such an intimate and amazing part of yourselves with this birth.
I'm exactly the same age as Cole, and my mind is totally blown away by her strength and grace and humor, which comes through so strongly. I think one of the things that keeps me coming back to read is the gap I feel between your lives and mine--I can't imagine having a family at this stage. Yet, the words and images make me feel connected in some small way.
Congratulations, and best wishes for your family and beautiful baby Tessa.
Nicole in Philadelphia, PA
Effin' amazing, man. Thanks for sharing. It brought back so many memories from my own home water birth.
Cole's strength is so inspiring and makes me believe I can do it all over again.
Found your blog via the pregnancy photo series and am now hooked. All the best to you and your precious family.
*blub* thank you...amazing... just mindblowing..awesome. thankyou for sharing this.
Tell Cole I said way to go! Also, I just cried;)
I'd heard about water birthing for the first time only a few months ago, but after watching how amazing Cole did, maybe my husband and I will choose the same route in a few years. Great job, Ryan! And congrats again!
My mom used to be a doula, and I never really saw the appeal, or at least not anything that would make being around for the bloody part worth hanging around for.
But if getting to witness a birth, even if it's not concerning relatives, is anywhere near as touching as reading this has been, well, I get it.
Congratulations once again. I'm in awe of all three of you!
thanks, i needed to cry this afternoon (no really, beautiful post and birthing-process details!)
Thank you so much for sharing your birth story with us! What a beautiful time. This had me in tears. So beautiful!!
wow wow wow. I'm an Ob/Gyn...this post was inspiring and beautiful. Congratulations to all of you. Cole has every reason to be proud.
wow... wow...
WOW!
Thanks so much for sharing this special moment Ryan & Cole. Hope the best for Cole, LB, Tessa and you!!
Congrats again and thank you for writing this! I'm so glad you were able to put all of this out there. Cole's approach to birth is very awe inspiring. I wish your little family all the luck and good vibes in the world!
:-)
Awesome post! My wife also freaked out if I left her side during a contraction or broke rhythm. Its amazing to realize how important a role the birth partner plays, when it's the mother doing all the hard work. Great job, man. And awesome recollection, so much more detail and emotion than the sanitized stories you find in the books, where those dark hours are usually skipped over. And of course the movies make it look like every woman's water breaks and the baby just slips right out. We just had a boy six weeks ago and the labor was pretty traumatic--23 hours, ended with an episiotomy and vacuum assist. I wrote all the gory details up at http://daddytobe.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/labor-part-1/ More of these honest accounts need to get out there!
Your story is wonderfully intense, capturing the experience beautifully. Cole's strength and character inspire something close to awe.
But Tessa herself?
Man.
There is such light spilling from those eyes.
Oh my goodness. That was RIVETING.
This is so wonderful. Thank you writing it all down for us to read. I'm due anyday and have a new sense of strength, thanks to all of you.
Perfection.
Peace - Rene
Oh wow, you guys are amazing. Thanks for sharing this! Much aroha to all of you :)
Wow! I think that about covers it.
All the love in the universe to you all :-D
Thank you for sharing with us.
Kristy
There I was all emotional and sappy and then you threw in the line about Cole's boobs and started laughing so hard I almost pee'd. Such a dude. You guys are so completely awesome.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience!!! I can feel the love you share! Everyone looks happy and Tessa is BEAUTIFUL!!! - I know LB will be a GREAT big brother :)
amazing. cole is incredible, and ryan you are pretty darn cool too. tessa is a dark haired angel. love to you all.
I still fear "fatherhood", but following your blog has help me over come that fear with each new entry you post. Congrats once again to you & Cole.
You may or may not be my new hero...
what an incredibly honest telling of something so personal. it's very rare that someone details a birth story in that way. i felt compelled to comment for the first time since beginning to read your blog months ago.
you are all the picture of a loving, caring family, and one that we can aspire to emulate. thank you for telling tessa's birth story, as raw and unflinching as possible. she is so lucky to be able to read all this when she's older- she'll know how much she was loved even before she was born.
i hope i can be as strong as cole someday giving birth at home to my own child. congratulations on that beautiful baby.
I was bawling my eyes out as I read this. She's beautiful.
Me and Tessa share a birthday.
I also slept a lot when I was a baby and gave my parents no trouble.
People born of the 29th of june just rock!
Congrats!
How many words are there for amazing?
The pictures, the phrases, the sheer emotion that showed through in your every description. Holy special!! I'll say it again: Cole, LB & Tessa are lucky, lucky people to have you in their lives--you're all lucky to have one another. I don't know that my hubby & I will ever go on the child journey & after reading about your amazing experience, now I don't think we would, b/c I would want nothing less!...I've always loved water births...and in France, not only are midwives not considered medical personnel (I f'n know, right?!!)but home births are not allowed, and the benefits of water birth to everyone involved, that is touted in so many other European countries? Completely dismissed here, b/c The Man must know best...gee the alternative is so tempting--
Thanks again for sharing, both you and Cole, such a deeply personal, and intimate experience.
It's stories like yours that make me feel like maybe I CAN do the natural childbirth thing.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the world.
Wowzers Ryan. That was something else. I'm feeling a little short of breath and rather emotional after reading that. And really don't know what to say. Just...well, blimey. Extraordinary. Moving. Wonderful. Love & congratulaions to you all. LLGxx
wow. very well written. i have tears. congratulations again.
Best line ever:
"Filled with the power to buckle knees and 100% magic."
And then, my wife got Double Ds and everyone lived happily ever after. Too bad she ain't gonna wantcha to touch them for like, EVER NOW! Hahahahah, kiddin'!
Great, GREAT, GREAT recounting of the miracle.
This filled me with tears of pure joy!
Thank you so much for this!
Congrats on a beautiful daughter. She is stunning!!!
Ryan, Cole, LB and Tessa,
Ohdeedoh brought me to your blog weeks ago, and it's now one of my absolute favorite places on the Web. This post is a treasure, and almost overwhelmingly beautiful. My husband and I are nearly ready to start our own family, and reading about yours has been both a revelation and an inspiration. I feel very lucky to have found you when I did.
With congratulations and warmest wishes,
Cara
Wow! That was one of if not the most powerful things I have ever read in a blog, seriously.
Makes me scared yet excited about having my own kids one day!!!
And Cole is very VERY brave!
Good job to both of you and it sounds like things went extremely well :D
Yay!
After lurking through this entire series I feel it's time to share my two cents worth.
You, Ryan, are an amazing writer, photographer, father/buddy to LB, husband, am I forgetting anything? You speak from your heart and you discuss subjects most all of us have either felt or gone through at some point in our life in some way. Best of all, you make US feel like we're not strange for going through them because you show us we're not alone.
You, Cole, should be the standard definition in any dictionary for the word "mother". Your unending compassion for your children shows through even when we hear about it second hand through Ryan. Your personality and love for your family (even prior to birth) show on your face like reading the back of a book before deciding to read it.
LB is a wonderful little man who, regardless what the future brings, will leave his mark on everyone he touches/loves. He knew he had a little dister coming before anyone else did. And as time passes they will be the best of buds for sure.
Tessa Tangerine's little life has been too short to say much other than it's a given she will grow to be just as loving as the other three members of her family. This much is basically guaranteed. OH, and she's beautiful to say the least, but with genes like she had going for her, no one expected anything less.
Lastly (then I'll go back to lurking) there aren't enough ways to thank you for sharing what was one of the most private moments of your life with us. I have no doubt the two of you can feel all the waves of love, respect, and awe your followers are sending you.
Congrats on the newest member and the strength of your family's love. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a couple expecting and actually waiting to find out the sex and not demanding every newfangled gadget there is out there - babies need very little to grow up happy; love being the major one after a little nourishment from mom lol.
As a personal favor, I'd love to continue to read about Tessa's integration into day to day life with LB and the two of you. I hope you find a way to continue this blog somehow, but have no fear, I will follow your writing/photography wherever I find it on the web :-)
Lots of cyber love,
Dink
P.S. I guess with inflation it went from two cents worth to a couple billion cents worth, but hey, who can't use a little extra right now lol.
amazing... i'm taking my bf into the other room to make a baby right now. just kidding.... maybe.
first time commenter, but so extremely emotional and so glad you shared! what an AMAZING experience. i love your face in third pictures...
priceless.
This was amazing -- written with such humility, clarity, and love.
I'd kiss you all right now if I could...
Cole&Ryan. You guys are so inspirational. I knew Cole would get through it like a champ, amazing. This may sound, dare I say, creepy; but I had a dream the night before Tessa's birth that you and Cole had a baby girl with a full head of hair!
You guys are going to continue to be amazing parents to LB and Tessa and I can tell that you guys will ALWAYS be in lovee.
Congratulations to you and your family of 4. What an amazing job Cole did. This has given me inspiration for what I will need to do in Oct when our little one joins us.
Wow. Thanks so much for sharing this amazing experience with us. And way to go for not being afraid to write about your true feelings. Lucky Cole. Lucky you!
Cole, you are one courageous little lady, an inspiration to all those whose knees buckle up at the site or sound of pain. You and Ryan are so lucky to have found one another. Your love for each other is truly one of a kind.
Cole, Ryan, Tessa, LB ... What is it about you 4 that got me so addicted to you? :)
This is amazing, I'm so glad I can read what it is like through the eyes and ears of the dad. I'm going to print this out and stash copies of it all around the house so that my fella will read it.
Thanks and congratulations!
This was so touching. I am full of emotion and cried while reading the entire thing. Way to go cole! And congrats to one of the most beautiful and inspirational families on earth!
Thank you so much for posting this!
Y'all are completely amazing. I'm the closest to speechless that I've ever been. Blessings!!
i seriously had to fight back tears when reading this. congratulations, always. you guys are so rich, blessed, and everything in between.
i send the four of you, but Cole, especially virtual pats on the back. :)
Wow, you have a gift with words. Thanks for the amazing read. Very tender. Congratulations.
Amazing.
Such a beautiful family! Congrats to the nth power!!
That was hands down the most amazing birth story i've ever heard or read. I just cried holy crap. Beautiful family.
Love
The birth experience and the few days after are my favorite things in the whole world. I would relive the birth of each of my kids a dozen times if I could. And I know exactly how you feel that all the cliches to explain it can't even come close.
Congratulations, she is absolutely lovely :)
Thank you for sharing your story. What a beautiful birth and beautiful baby. I needed some happy tears, and you certainly delivered. I am so happy for you and your sweet family. :)
Thank you for sharing your amazing experience. Hugs to you all
Whatever you do - please don't stop writing about being a father, a husband, and a great man! You Rock!!! Congrats on Tessa - she is a beauty. And way to go Cole...you Double D Rock!
AWESOME birth story... you guys have inspired me... we are welcoming our little girl in 5ish short weeks at a home birth and you have reminded me again why we chose this path... THANK YOU, you should be a model for many men!
I loved this! I read half of it on my phone in the car yesterday before we were shooting, and now just finished it! I am in awe of Cole, I"m not sure I could do it. But the entire story was so amazing and I'm excited for when Nate and I can share an experience like that
just beautiful. i'm so happy for you guys that you got to have your own labor the way cole wanted. you are a gorgeous family, physically, but more importantly, emotionally.
that's too funny about the poop. i totally get it, too. i didn't wanna poop on my babies.
Your post made me cry! It was so beautiful. Your experience made me feel strong and empowered as we look forward to our home birth any day now :-)
oh congratulations! this is so exciting, and cole was AMAZING.
thanks for sharing! We are expecting our first child in September and your story made the birth process seem so less scary. It was beautiful. I hope we can have such a loving experience too!
I know you already have hundreds of comments so i dont know if you will even see this but im 8 months pregnant and have 5 weeks or so to go with my first. Reading Cole's birth story through your eyes gives me such a different perspective and in a funny way confidence in soon giving birth myself. Thank you for sharing your experience and all the details. Congrats on your beautiful girl!
RYAN!
I have finally been able to get on here and catch up on all the news
I'm at work and bawling
xox
P
Refreshing and inspirational. You are an amazing team.
Ryan, this was one of the most amazing, moving posts I've read! What an amazing story... and moment in time for your family. I cried through reading this. Being pregnant myself, talking with a midwife and wanting a home birth, this is so touching to me! Cole is an inspiration!! I just can't get over how much love and admiration I can feel through your writing. You're going to make a GREAT new daddy!!
:)
Beautiful baby and birth story!
Thanks for such a beautiful birth story. I love reading birth stories that are filled with love and strength. You're gonna have a world of fun with your little girl!
What a wonderful birth! It actually reminds me a lot of my first babies birth. I spent the majority of my 12 hour labor going from 1 to 3, then pushing. :) My husband had the same role that you had too... he had to go to the bathroom and I had the worst contraction when he walked away.
Your baby girl is absolutely gorgeous!
Blessings!
Yay! I really enjoyed reading a birth story from the father's perspective. Congratulations.
i am so madly impressed with cole AND you for exhibiting such strength. though i know you have no agenda in sharing WHATSOEVER, it does make a compelling case for considering home birth and how wonderful it can be.
you guys rock.
Wow! What a fantastic birth story. I love it! So inspiring!
That Cole surely is a warrior goddess ... you Ryan, the beautiful, strong soul who went the journey with her.
... makes me want to birth another one ...
Wow! What a great story. Just like everyone else, I'm wiping tears from my eyes! You've got yourself one cute kid! Well done!
the tears are flowing - a beautiful story. miracles all around! congratulations! x shelley t
I admit it, I teared up. You were both so brave...
The part about her needing that moment with you was just heart-wrenching and amazing, and I can imagine being there. I was so excited to read this, and then my internet at home has been down and I've been on vacation, and just got back yesterday... Which is why I didn't read it sooner :)
This was an incredible story, and someday you will be happy you have it all written out like that, that you can read every little detail of what happened...
The photos, too... The one of her in the tub and the one of you sitting over her with the baby with tears in your eyes... Un freakin believably amazing.
Cole was incredible. Thank you thank you for sharing.
i get to hear lots of birth stories from happy mamas as a student midwife but it is such a pleasure to hear things from papa's point of view... Cole is so lucky to be surrounded and supported by you as are your babies. happiness!
This is the best thing I've ever read. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and frankly, I'm wondering how well I am going to do with getting this little person out. Your story and your wife is inspiring to me, and I can promise you that I am going to memorize what you wrote about how she handled the active labor and remember it when I think I can't do this. I have been bawling for an hour - it's your fault, and I thank you for it!!
This is the first time that I just read the miracle of birth in detail. The post made me welled up in tears!!! I love Cole's courage. The love you have for each other is amazing. Congrats on your miracle. Best wishes to the whole family.
The last picture is a little blurred from all the tears in my eyes. It was a beautiful birth, and I'd love to have the pictures of the labor you have... It's all memory for me... Wow !
I just want to read my story of the birth of my daughter again.
This i s the kind of text that would fill any pregnant woman with the feeling that whatever happens, she can do it !
oh my god in heaven, this was amazing...thank you for sharing this...i am a grown woman, and I have learned more about the birth process from you than I ever learned from a book....i think i missed something by not having one....
Ryan,
I waited until just now to sit down and read all of this. What an incredible account of love, patience, strength, and beauty. Thank you so much for sharing something so dear to your hearts with us.
mrs boo
absolutely beautiful. there are tear stained tissues all around me!
speechless...
WOW. Thank you Ryan and Cole for sharing such an awe inspiring story! The huge love that radiates throughout your family leaves me gobsmacked :-) I've been lurking on your blog for months and just wanted to say congratulations and welcome into the world gorgeous little Tessa Tangerine! You guys are amazing!
Best Wishes from Kirsty, Cape Town, South Africa.
Another dude weeping at work here... thanks for putting this down in letters. I'm finding it so valuable to read and hear real people's stories as we come up to our first child in early Sept. The stories in the first part of Ina May Gaskin's book were wonderful, as I try to imagine and prepare, and I'm especially grateful to read the partner's experience.
But in the back of my head I know it's a joke to think I can prepare and imagine. Thanks for the reminder to be flexible and go with whatever works best.
Good job, you two. Every child should come into the world in such a loving and conscious way.
What a treasure you have here... for yourselves and now, for other women. THIS is a baby story to be shared. THIS is what pregnant women need to be reading. I'm sending all my pregnant friends here. Thank you for so eloquently sharing.
So you totally just made me cry over a stranger's birth. That was amazing. All the best for baby Tessa.
Thank you for sharing with us. It was beautiful. :)
This totally made me cry! I just recently said "hasta la vista" to my regular doc and am taking the waterbirth/midwife route. I can only hope I am as successful as your wife was :) I love that you were so candid in this post, especially about the poop thing lol.
i'm crying. i adore you guys and your growing little family. i've been to many home births as an apprentice and i'll tell you what - it NEVER gets old. watching a baby being born in the arms of a loving couple within their own home... WOW! i usually am on a birth high for days afterward. cheers to cole and tessa for their hard work and courage... and cheers to you, ryan, for sharing the journey so other young women can see it's possible. xxx
Wow.... I understand why that was your best response... wow..
looking back I tear up EVERY time I see that pic of you crying with her... love love love
Congratulations, you did it!! I started having contractions around the same time as Cole, we took the opposite route via hospital and had a little girl on the 30th. Reading your entry brought back memories and helped me understand what my husband must have been going through. You've done an amazing job re-living every detail as if the readers were in the room with you two...the kind of writing that brings tears to ones eyes and makes arm hairs stand up. I'm petite like Cole and our baby weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces w/ a big head yet my little body took a huge beating so I'm amazed by Cole's strength. I buckled during phase one and asked for the epi which i was opposed to from the beginning. The first thought in my head afterwords was "I'm still alive" then I was speechless when i held our little bundle of joy for the first time. cheers!
Your story just made me cry, how beautiful. x
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