My Dad Book Solution

Every once in awhile a few commenter’s here will say something about a book that should be written by me about stuff, and babies, and baby stuff, and YES of course it’s flattering that anyone on the face of this earth would ever suggest that I write anything that be published. It was happening more often when Cole was heading for the big push and I was really spilling my guts about the process and writing a lot about the details. Since then I have had a real tight leash on my tongue about the baby stuff, and keeping all of this wonder of magical milestones business to myself. So when someone mentioned the book thing in a recent post it got me thinking about it all again. I did have an idea at one point, the caveat being that beyond my despicable grammar and low self-esteem, I just really don’t have anything that useful to say to Dads that are waiting for the big show. I mean of course I can fake a bunch of confidence and give some sound advice if they have specific things to ask, but I just don’t have it in me to pass down any bits of wisdom I gleaned from my one experience being around a pregnant woman. I don’t feel like I have the muscle to lift anyone to enlightenment.

But…

What I do know for sure is that there is a real need for better info written for Dad’s in a way that isn’t reduced down to facts disguised as fart jokes, and to the other end, so unrealistically supportive that no man will ever want to read any of it or carry out the suggestions. What I am saying is I have not identified anything written in a voice that a guy can motor through enthusiastically. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I am saying I haven’t seen it.

Here is an idea: A book written by a guy explaining all the shit he thought he did right during his partners pregnancy, and then his partner can correct him and say “actually all of that was really annoying and I wanted to fucking kill you.” And then she can say what he should of done instead. It can be called “No Idiot. Do It This Way!” I kid. I’m kidding. That is awful stereotyping on my part. I threw that in there to illustrate a point that as far as I can tell most of these books that rise to the surface, are made for the masses and usually that means stereotypes are heavy handed.

Everyone is different. I don’t think advice books work because—well, there are some women that want their dude to take his shirt off and hold her tummy to tummy in an embrace of support, and pose for pictures, and then there are some women who find photos like that one on the internet and shows it to her husband, and they laugh their asses off together about it in a supportive embrace. People are just so different-- and I can’t imagine that any man is going to get it all right and handle things with grace because he read the perfect advice book. Too often these things read like an instruction manual on how to not make people mad and upset. They treat the pregnancy like a bomb ticking down and making it angry will make it all explode.

Here is an idea: A book called: “Come on Stupid, I’m Pregnant” I am kidding again. I’m kidding. Geez. Being shy on handing out advice I keep resorting to stupid jokes. When Cole was pregnant the biggest source of sense came from our midwife Christine, she had a great way of just explaining what was physically and chemically going on in Cole’s body. Knowing the loose science behind the miracle going on in her belly made everything easier. I felt like less of a helpless idiot and it made her feel better that I knew what was going on inside of her. So that is why I came up with the greatest idea ever. We couldn’t just call our midwife every single time we had a thought. So why not invent a source of info that you have 24 hour access to-- like one of those smart-alecky hologram Doctors on Star Trek. Since we aren’t there yet with the technology, the next best thing I could think of was a Mii.

I am putting it out here on the internet for everyone to see so that when someone steals my amazing idea I can turn around and sue them for their thievery and shame them publically.

I want to make a video game that works with the Wii balance board. It will track a woman’s growing belly weekly, and when the pregnant subject steps onto the balance board not only does the Mii change and grow and let you know if weight is being gained in a healthy natural way, but it can have a ton of animated breakdowns of what is going on with the growing baby. How the heart beat should sound, how the baby is developing each week. Have the options and interface to put in results from pee tests so it can give diet and nutrition suggestions-- And of course there would be an I-phone app for it as well, so you have your info on the go.

So many awesome options with this idea… It would deliver the info in doses that are easy to take, and that is timely and relevant to what is going on with your birth partner week to week. Awesome! High Five! I love it! Someone call Nintendo and lets get to work. In my wildest dreams. But that is my solution for expectant Dads and how I would contribute to the cause.

All the Love in the Universe ~ Me

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