Curly Locks & Rambling on About My Ambition & Making Grand Declarations

Besides the fact that I am always shocked to see how long Tessa's hair is when it is wet because her curls hang straight with water, I don't have anything else to say today about the cuteness of my daughter. Between her and LB my day is jam packed with debilitating cuteness.

So what's the deal with this post today? What's going on with you lately Ryan?

You mean besides going to the dentist yesterday after NOT going for EIGHT years, and discovering that I don't have a single cavity :)

Well... I'm actually overwhelmed with a backlog of work, and I'm getting ready for a long stretch of NYC, followed by some following up on people and places along the Gulf of Mexico. I've actually never been busy like this before-- trying to balance a calendar and juggle jobs. I realized I'm not that great at managing myself. So to make things even more hectic, after the charity album "Do Fun Stuff" is released and climbing the charts :) I have decided I needed to really get aggressive about some old pipe dreams of mine. It was all spurred on from watching Peter Pan when my niece was visiting, we got a pizza and stayed up late watching the latest version of the boy who won't grow up. You know the scene where Mrs. Darling is explaining to the children how their father is brave? Remember? It's because he took all of his dreams and sacrificed them for his children, and placed them safely in a drawer, and sometimes at night, they take them out and admire them, and then put them back in again, and close the drawer, and THAT is why he is brave. Because he can close the drawer. While I understand that kind of bravery, just like Mrs. Darling explains, there are all kinds of bravery, and I decided that I would not put my dreams away in a drawer, I wanted to do a little fighting for them first. If they ever end up in a drawer they are going to look like a battle worn flag, scarred and charred, and torn apart from fighting.

So just as I have done in the past in this space, I wanted to just put it out there with some confidence and matter of fact belief in myself that I will absolutely achieve these two old dreams of mine that I have set my sights on. I'm very stubborn so I intend to do it.

ONE- I want to make one of THESE for HBO.

TWO- I want to sell a script for the greatest film sequel ever made. And that is all I can say about that one for now :) So I am going to be doing everything I can think of to secure a pitch meeting, so that I can get to work on this with my writing partner.

I feel like making those two things happen will keep me busy for a good long while as I keep learning to manage the rest of what I do with my camera and my writing. I'm in. I said it out loud in front of people, so now I have to make it happen. Right? Right!

This whole setting my sights on lofty goals thing happened because when I was a mouthy asshole teenager I was really into acting, a thespian. I loved being on stage, and right before I graduated high school I said: "I'm going to be able to go to a movie theater and buy a ticket and watch myself on the big screen before I am 21" and I totally did it. *to elaborate (it was for 15 seconds and I never tried to act again after that, but it was with Peter Fonda, and it was nominated for an Oscar, so I am not sweating it) I achieved this goal, not by way of the conventional, head out to LA with some headshots and some really sweet monologues memorized with fingers crossed. I did it from working really hard on film crews, and making my ambition known to the people around me.

So I decided at a very young age that I would just keep trying to apply that formula to my life. It doesn't always work, I fail all the time, hundreds of emails and calls ignored. There are just so many people in positions of power that can help others, that I think eventually someone will be bored enough to take a listen to what I have to say. Maybe? I am going to get busy trying as they say.

Sometimes I think I am just as addicted to the letdowns and failures as I am at pulling off a goal. All the roadblocks and hearing NO all the time teeters back and forth from fueling my ambition, to crippling depression. I'm a terrible person.

The exercise here was to repeat the steps I have always taken in the past on my way to a goal. I used to just tell my friends an idea and say "Well now I'm going to do this." And since I don't really have any friends anymore, I am releasing it into the universe here.

What happened to all your friends? Why don't they invite you to do awesome shit anymore?

They can't stand seeing me with my shirt off, after the summer is over we will all start hanging out again.

Why don't we see Cole on the blog anymore?

Oh! well she just wanted a break from all the sharing her life with the internet thing for awhile, she has started suggesting posts like she used to again, so I am taking that as I sign that she is starting to come back around. I asked her to pick out a picture for my post today, and this is the one she picked.



Out of all the pictures, this is what she wanted to share. I love that woman. Immensely. She is the ONLY reason that I can live my life the way that I do, she has absolute unwavering belief in me, and it makes me fill up with so much love that I can put up with all of the constant rejection. I am going to go spend my morning with her right now actually.

All the Love in the Universe ~ Me

P.S. It was really hard to push "Publish Post" on this one today. I hate failing.

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