Wind Burnt

**A little side note before we get into the meat of this next post. Cole and I are celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary today :) The BIG 3!! And so we worked on this vacation post together, which was fun to do because she makes herself laugh so hard when she thinks she is being really funny. Tonight is fancy dinner night. Which means I have to figure out how to look nice, this could take the rest of the day. Hope you enjoy the post as much as we enjoyed remembering all of it.

It would be really simple to pretend for everyone that reads here that our very first family vacation was this amazing bliss filled journey of smiles and tickle fights... but that was hardly the case for me personally. Cole and the kids had a great time. I can't decide how I felt about it. Yes we had plenty of moments where we laughed hard together, and the kids couldn't have behaved better. All we could go by was their laughs, and how few times they had a melt down, but it would seem that vacation really agrees with both of them. Thankfully they're good at it. But for me... I'm not sure how to describe this thing exactly. The whole reason I blogged about that stop in Mayo park yesterday, was because that was truly a great moment on the trip, and simple to write about. When we got back people assumed we had fun, they would say: "I bet you all had a blast!" which is kind of cool that we are the kind of people that look like we would have a "blast" doing fun stuff. The reality is, the trip felt like one great big test of feeling positive about positivity in the face of an unraveling perfect plan. I struggle when things don't go how I want them to.

Some freaky wind front rolled through FL and was catalyst to my deteriorating good vibe, and it blew every single day, 20-30 MPH winds on the beach, which made the beach hard to enjoy. It shouldn't have been a huge deal, but for me, I couldn't let it go. I just wanted everyone to have fun. Which they were all doing, but not because of my perfectly laid plans, they were having fun because they aren't spoiled by pessimism, they are pure silly hearted kids, and Cole has somehow managed to keep her kid innocence well preserved, and she wields it at will. Being in a car with the kids for so long really got me thinking about what they are learning from me, and so I realized quickly that if I wasn't careful they were going to learn how to sweat the small stuff. So I fought it. This vacation made me face a reality that I hate admitting to-- that I spend way too much time focusing on things out of my control and letting them spoil life. It's a trap to only see the people bumbling around not using their brains. It's simple to point out all the annoyances and bumps in the road, but then you just become poison, to everyone around you. So, I spent most of the vacation fighting my impulse to complain, and had to put on a face. So I guess the disappointment for me, wasn't that the weather wasn't the greatest, it was that I had to fight who I am so fiercely.

I think one of the results of this "fear" culture most of us were raised in, is that when parents are careful to point out all the things that are wrong with other people in the name of keeping us safe, we learn how to see the worst in everyone. For me personally when I first encounter someone, I am usually tying to figure out how they could potentially hurt me. How do you lose that? How do I not pass it on? For now... I just have to keep watch over my mouthiness and edit heavily until I can reverse the flow of the bad blood. I have to keep repeating to myself: I will not make the same mistakes, I will not make the same mistakes. I am a firm believer that complaining about life in front of your kids is the quickest way to kill the magic in their hearts. For me, my biggest job when it comes to the kids is to keep their innocence intact as long as possible, so that they remember it, so they feel it in their bones. That is what I think happened to Cole, she can still remember that feeling, and so she can still use it. For me, by the time I was eight I sounded like a Lewis Black stand up routine ranting about milk, and school, and how the teachers are bozos.That shit can be funny for a few minutes, but when it doesn't stop, and the rant actually turns the heart sour, you become poison. I hate it.

That is all I want to say about that.

So rather than dwell on that battle I fought to keep my mouth shut on our trip. I thought it would be fun to share all the hilarious things that came out of our mouths. Focus on the funny stuff. So Cole and I put together some quotes and mini conversations that went down while we were gone.

Cole (shouting from the other room): "Be sure to keep the kids away from the suction thingy on the jacuzzi... it can suck their intestines out through their buttholes! I swear. I saw it on Oprah."

Cole: "They have this thing for girls called a 'port-a-dick' or something, it's for your car, it fits right over your vagina so that you can pee into it on the side of the road, you know, so that you don't splash piss all over your legs, and it's made out of some antimicrobial plastic so it doesn't ever get dirty." Ryan: My friend Chloe has pissed on the side of the road a hundred times and she never needed a dick receptacle to pee into. Cole: "she must have a really nice vagina, so her pee doesn't splash as much." Ryan: "I try and not think about Chloe's vagina."

Cole: "I think you're going to have to think about triple flushing from now on."

Ryan: "The first place we are staying is a real shit-hole, but the beach is nice."

Ryan: "I told you the place was a shit-hole. I love that place."

Ryan: "You hate this trip... I can tell"

Ryan: "Look at the water. Look at it. Everyone look at it."

Ryan: "You can't carry that across the beach, I will look like a lazy asshole, give me that!"

The Littlest Buddy: "Wait a minute!"

The Littlest Buddy: "No, no, no Betch too cold."

The Littlest Buddy: "I want a bite too."

Cole: "Can I just pee in that cup and chuck it out the window?"

Cole: "Oh so you will drive 13 miles out of the way to see a bridge, but not to do the thing I wanted to do?!" Ryan: "I really had to see that bridge, it looked fun."

Tessa: "Honey!!!!" (During this vacation Tessa fell in love with a stuffed doll that she has named "Honey" and while we were taking a walk, she dropped her on the ground, none of us noticed and kept walking, and she freaked. Screaming "HONEY!!!" at the top of her lungs in a panic. It was nuts. How did she get attached to this little doll so quickly?

Cole: "Why don't you just watch the kids and let me carry things from now on"

Ryan: "Sorry that wasn't more romantic, but it needed to be done."

Ryan: "How much can they possibly eat?" (I had no idea that when you strap two kids into the back of a car for hours at a time that they just want to eat the entire time, like bottomless pits. It was freaky how much they could eat.)

Ryan: "Honey, Tessa is getting into our suitcase! She just threw a condom off the balcony." Cole: "Can you see where it landed? I hope one of those college kids running around finds it."

Cole (after a group of college kids got off the elevator on their floor): "Did you see their stomachs? They were perfect." Ryan: "Sorry I'm not a college hunk." Cole: "No the girls, did you see their stomachs? Ryan: "I try and not stare at girls in bikinis surrounded by college hunks in the elevator."

That was all we could remember this morning. I will say this about the trip since I am on this positive kick. Both children started talking more than they ever have, and they finally bonded in the way that I have been holding out for. It has been hard not to try and force a connection, and try and create a relationship for the kids. They did it on their own. They laughed and played together more than they ever have, and they really turned to one another for entertainment and silliness and it made the entire trip worth while. I didn't get along with my sister growing up. Not even a little, and that is a gross understatement. It is something I wish so badly I could go back and change. What a waste that we didn't have one another. So to see Tessa and LB have these genuine moments of enjoyment with one another means the world to me, but it had to be on their time, not for me. Their laughter in unison is the greatest sound I think I have ever heard, and I got to hear it a ton on this trip.

And finally, here are some of the only pics I took on the trip. You can get a look at Tessa's little love "Honey" and see a little of our trip. I need a camera that I'm not afraid to use around sand and salt. Any suggestions?

So there it is. Vacation is over :)

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